I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
