also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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