Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
