Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
