3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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