a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
