the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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