once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
