eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
