hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
