Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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