You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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