I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
