my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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