Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
