based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
