it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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