Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
