My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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