You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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