Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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