it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
