good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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