Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
