I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.