If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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