guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Church boner. Awkwardddd
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
