I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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