Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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