Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
