i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
