i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
