eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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