sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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