Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
