Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
