Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
