My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize