dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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