I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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