so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
