whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
