i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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