I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
