my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
