She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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