I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
