I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
