She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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