Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
