There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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