I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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