i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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