Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
