marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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