Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
