You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
