yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
