Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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