I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize