so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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