i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
