The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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