i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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