3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
