i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
