who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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