The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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