is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
