i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize