my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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