It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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