omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
