You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
