I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
