Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
