I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
