his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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