Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize