pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
