I can text with my tongue
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
